fall and reflections

I love the fall and winter months, mostly because I’m a fan of cooler weather, longer nights, and football. There’s just something about what seems to be the sudden change of leaves and the graceful cooling down of temperatures. Ever since I was a little kid I would look forward to the fall season, with the new seasons of my favorite shows, and weather and the way the sky looks too. There’s nothing like an October sunset. When I was younger, I would go out, walkman in hand (yeah, I said WALKMAN, how’s that for retro?) listening to my favorite mellow tunes and watch as the sun would set in the horizon a little after five thirty in the evening. The colors it would give off were indescribably beautiful.  I haven’t really taken the time to do that in the past few years, and writing about it only makes me want to relive those days. Yeah, I love the fall.

A few months ago I wrote that I was going to take time to myself and I did so, though not for as long as I thought. Recently, though, I’ve found that I have been isolating myself and whether or not I meant to, I don’t know, but I do know that I haven’t had any contacts with my friends outside of text or email in ages, and honestly, i’m okay with it. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been alone. I didn’t have many friends growing up, so I was left to my own devices, and as a consequence, I don’t have the same type of social needs or attachments that most people have. I know more times than not it comes off as if I don’t care or I’m just mean, but it’s far from the truth. Fact is when you essentially spend your entire life on your own, you don’t really think nothing of spending a few weeks or months to yourself. It’s no big deal, though your friends may take it personally, it really has nothing to do with them it’s just time you need for yourself. Right now I just feel like I belong to no one and nothing and I don’t feel like putting on some kind of front, trying to be social when I really don’t have the heart to be. In time that will change, but for now, I have other things that occupy my time, other things I need to attend to, and the way I see it, the people who know me know how to get in touch with me just as I know how to get in touch with them, if they want to talk, I’m really not that hard to get ahold of.