The patterns of life

The monotony that is life is starting to get to me. Actually, scratch that. The repetitiveness of life has been bothering me for sometime now, years actually. I’ve merely gotten very well at ignoring it, pushing it down and not notice it. The thing is for most people life is just a series of circles that makes one big circle. We get up, we got to our job or school, interact with the same people, say the same things, only slightly differently, go back to whatever home we have and wait to do it all over again the next day. For many it’s accepted.  They don’t question it, they don’t think twice about it. They just go on with their lives because for so many it’s the little things that matter in their circle patterns of life that make it worthwhile. Make it livable. Like the cute classmate/co-worker and what he or she may be wearing that day. Taking a different route to work. Laughing at the crazy thing your kid did at school or at home. For many people that’s enough to get by in their day to day lives.

For me that’s not enough. I don’t want to live life in a seemingly never ending circular pattern, doing the same thing with varying degrees of differences day after day. Getting up and going to a job I really don’t want to be at and going through the grind of it all just to go home and doing again. I want to do something that ultimately matters, if not in the grand scheme of things, at least to me. For sometime, the grind of that very day to day living has been dragging me down. I feel it like some sort of anchor on my soul, and it’s depressing, and as much as I’ve been trying to ignore like in the past, I find it harder and harder to do. Something needs to change in my life, something needs to happen to make it feel as if there’s a point to it. I need…something, nothing good nor bad, just something. Because I’m tiring of this life, tiring of the same routine. I’m just tiring.


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